Working
from the Outside-In
Working
from the
Inside-Out
The
tools I use:
EMDR
Brainspotting
Guided
Imagery/Creative Visualization
Ego
State Work
Somatic/Body
Awareness – Mindfulness
Energy
Therapies |
Ego
State Work
Have
you ever felt that a part of you wanted to do something while
another part of you did not? Or, you really want to kick a
habit of some sort but no matter what you do, it feels like
some part of you won’t let you? Or, have you ever found
yourself reacting to someone in a surprising way, possibly
overreacting to something….just watching yourself react
and not being able to stop…and feeling remorse or embarrassed
afterwards?
This
is not about having “multiple personalities” or
“being schizophrenic” or “being crazy”
–
this is about having different parts of self or what I may
call unresolved ego states. In the
current neuroscience circles exploring how the brain and mind
work, this may be called a frozen, or “stuck”,
neural network. You may have heard of the term “inner-child”
and doing therapeutic work with this inner child. The bottom
line here is that most of us have some part, or parts, of
self that act and react and, in a sense, interact within us.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this…it is natural
as we learn to compartmentalize our experiences and live our
lives. For instance, we change our roles and how we act when
we go to work versus when we are at home with our families.
We act differently with a store clerk versus a loved one.
These are all healthy shifts we make depending on the part
of us we need at any given time or in any given situation.
For the most part, these are conscious and mindful ways of
being and essential to living.
Sometimes,
though, these processes begin to act outside of being a conscious
and/or mindful way of being. When someone cuts you off in
traffic and rather than annoyance you go into a rage…that
is not a conscious or mindful reaction. When your boss calls
you into
the office and you automatically ask, “what did I do
wrong?” and begin to feel like you’re about 10
years old…that’s not conscious and mindful. When
your significant other pays attention to another person and
you feel like crying or withdrawing into yourself or you want
to leave them to protect yourself…that is not a conscious
or mindful reaction.
In
all of these cases, some part of you is reacting outside of
your wise, mature adult self. In the 1970’s, Thomas
Harris, MD, talked about Transactional Analysis in his book,
I’m OK, You’re OK, and introduced his model of
ego state development. He talked about the child, the critical
parent and the adult. Pia Mellody, in her book, Facing Codependence,
identifies the precious child, the wounded child, the adapted
adult and the mature adult as key ego states. Many have developed
models of our inner process.
**What
is important, and how I work, is to help you to identify how
your inner processes work. Who and what and where
is the wise self? How can we strengthen this part of you?
Is there a wounded part of you that reacts from the child-like
place? How can you learn to acknowledge, support, nurture,
teach, and protect that part of you? Is there a part of you
that has worked so hard and for so long to protect you, perhaps
in a less than healthy way – perhaps this part is sabotaging
you in the name of protection? That part of you needs to be
acknowledged, supported and, yes, even thanked for the difficult
job it's been doing for you for such a long time.
While
EMDR and other trauma desensitization works to remove that
which was added to your life and you no longer want or need,
ego state work can help to add back into your life experience
that you may never have gotten that you should have. For instance,
if a parent
was unable to provide a loving, nurturing presence for the
child, a healthy sense of attachment was never developed.
In order to achieve and maintain healthy relationships, this
needs to be taught and added into your experience…and
it needs to come from within
for lasting results. Ego state work can rebuild internal resources,
helping you to “reparent” yourself and learn how
to provide, get and receive healthy support and nurturing.
For
more information on ego state work:
Ego States: Theory and Therapy by John G. Watkins
& Helen H. Watkins
Facing Codependence: What it is,
Where it Comes From, How it Sabotages Our Lives
by Pia Mellody and Andrea Wells Miller
I’m OK, You’re OK by Thomas A. Harris,
MD
Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult
Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles
L. Whitfield
Lifespan Integration: Connecting Ego States Through Time
by Peggy Pace, MA, LPC, LMFT
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