Working
from the Outside-In
Working
from the
Inside-Out
The
tools I use:
EMDR
Guided
Imagery/Creative Visualization
Ego
State Work
Somatic/Body
Awareness – Mindfulness
Energy
Therapies |
Ego
State Work
Have
you ever felt that a part of you wanted to do something
while another part of you did not? Or,
you really want to
kick a habit of some sort but no matter what you do, it feels
like some part of you won’t let you? Or, have you ever
found yourself reacting to someone in a surprising way, possibly
overreacting to something….just watching yourself react
and not being able to stop…and feeling remorse or embarrassed
afterwards?
This
is not about having “multiple personalities” or “schizophrenic” or “being
crazy” – this is about having different parts
of self or what I may call unresolved ego states. In the
current neuroscience circles exploring how the brain and
mind work, this may be called a frozen, or “stuck”,
neural network. You may have heard of the term “inner-child” and
doing therapeutic work with this inner child. The bottom
line here is that most of us have some part, or parts, of
self that act and react and, in a sense, interact within
us. There is nothing inherently wrong with this…it
is natural as we learn to compartmentalize our experiences
and live our lives. For instance, we change our roles and
how we act when we go to work versus when we are at home
with our families. We act differently with a store clerk
versus a loved one. These are all healthy shifts we make
depending on the part of us we need at any given time or
in any given situation. For the most part, these are conscious
and mindful ways of being and essential to living.
Sometimes,
though, these processes begin to act outside of being a
conscious and/or mindful way
of being. When someone
cuts you off in traffic and rather than annoyance you go
into a rage…that is not conscious or mindful reaction.
When your boss calls you into the office and you automatically
ask, “what did I do wrong?” and begin to feel
like you’re about 10 years old…that’s not
conscious and mindful. When your significant other pays attention
to another person and you feel like crying or withdrawing
into yourself or you want to leave them to protect yourself…that
is not a conscious or mindful reaction.
In
all of these cases, some part of you is reacting outside
of your wise, mature adult self. In the
1970’s, Thomas
Harris, MD, talked about Transactional Analysis in his book,
I’m OK, You’re OK, and introduced his model of
ego state development. He talked about the child, the critical
parent and the adult. Pia Mellody, in her book, Facing Codependence,
identifies the precious child, the wounded child, the adapted
adult and the mature adult as key ego states. Many have developed
models of our inner process.
**What
is important, and how I work, is to help you to identify
how your inner processes works. Who
and what and where is
the wise self? How can we strengthen this part of you? Is
there a wounded part of you that reacts from the child-like
place? How can you learn to acknowledge, support, nurture,
teach, and protect that part of you? Is there a part of you
that has worked so hard and for so long to protect you, perhaps
in a less than healthy way – perhaps this part is sabotaging
you in the name of protection? That part of you needs to
be acknowledged, supported and, yes, even thanked for the
difficult job its been doing for you for such a long time.
While
EMDR and other trauma desensitization works to remove that
which was added to you life and you
no longer want or
need, ego state work can help to add back into your life
experience that which you may never have gotten that you
should have. For instance, if a parent was unable to provide
a loving, nurturing presence for the child, a healthy sense
of attachment was never developed. In order to achieve and
maintain healthy relationships, this needs to be taught and
added into you experience…and it needs to come from
within for lasting results. Ego state work can rebuild internal
resources, helping you to “reparent” yourself
and learn how to provide, get and receive healthy support
and nurturing.
For
more information on ego state work:
Ego
States: Theory and Therapy by John G. Watkins & Helen H. Watkins
Facing
Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It
Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody and Andrea
Wells Miller
I’m OK, You’re
OK by Thomas A.
Harris, MD Healing
the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children
of Dysfunctional Families by Charles L.
Whitfield
Lifespan
Integration: Connecting Ego States Through Time by Peggy
Pace, MA, LPC, LMFT
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